Change of scenery

It may secretly please some of you at home (read: mom) to know that yesterday I got a major case of the homesickies. Everyone here has been really nice about it. One of the girls who is from Eston even ran home and brought me some home-cooked food because she thought it might make me feel better (and it did). Awwww! And as much as I love it here, I do really miss those deep and intimate friendships I left back in Vancouver (read: diane, amanda, caitlin, amber...) and that kind of thing takes time to develop in new friendships. So I was a little down, feeling a little lonely.

However, for such a mopey day, it was punctuated by fun stuff. My roomate Autumn was away for the weekend and I bought a sticky fish thing as a surprise for her when she returned. Then she rifled it at the wall at 80 kms/hr. Observe:



You know someone loves your present when they whip it at a wall. :) Hahaha!

Later in the day friend Jade came into my room and we got talking about people's preconcieved notions of us when they first meet us. She said that she feels like people think she's darker than she is because she wears a lot of makeup, and I said that I feel like people think I'm an annoying dumb blonde and underestimate me. So as a social experiment we decided to trade looks for the day. Observe the outcome:



It was fun, and it was great to get to know Jade even better. :)

On the subject of the NIN shirt....NIN is coming to Saskatoon on December 1st. Cue excitement!! I have been playing "hurt" on the piano in the chapel a lot lately. Here is my vid of the incredible light show as seen at the Seattle concert in July:



This show is amazing, so I'd definetly be up for seeing it a second time. Also, I'm pretty proud of the fact that the vid has had 104,333 views. Whee.

Later that night the majority of the college went off to see Batman at the drive-in, but I'd already seen it with you UCM peeps back home, so I stuck around. We had a bonfire and I ate a banana boat, which is a banana w/ chocolate and marshmallows, wrapped in tinfoil and...I guess cooked in or over the fire? Not entirely sure. I'm not gonna lie, this is the first time I'd ever heard of a banana boat.

Oh yeah, and on saturday, Katy, Jade and I headed to the wheat field to take some fun pictures. Because a field of wheat is a novelty for us BC kids. Here we are seeing if the wheat is ready for harvest (ie. if it's not chewy):








Look, I'm the same color as the prairies!



"The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirirt is of great worth in God's sight."

Mini-Semester

So for the last week, and for the next week (that is - count 'em - two weeks!), we have had something called "mini semester". Basically, it's one course, intensively crammed into two weeks. So for the last five days I have read 4 chapters and six articles and attended class for 3 hours a day. The course we're all taking as first year students is called Theology 1.

And Holy moly, I can't emphasize this enough - everyone. should. go. to. bible. school. Do it. Examine your beliefs. Challenge them. It's essential to your entire life. I can safely say that it would have been a BIG MISTAKE - yes! - for me to go on to a master's program in psychology without first coming to bible college. I have never been challenged to think in the way that I am being challenged right now. I am
realizing that I have no idea how to read my bible! And I am also realizing how dangerous it is to ever field any kind of question on my belief system without first having a better understanding of it.

But it is difficult! I mean, going through high school and then university, I was taught to approach everything scientifically. So it's hard to consider that there may be other ways of knowing things in this world, ways of knowing that aren't based on what we can observe and repeat in a given set of experimental conditions. This wasn't something I'd really considered before - we apply scientific methodology to everything. It's become a way of life. But here, I find myself asking: who are we to set the paramaters which God must fall within to be defined as God? Wouldn't that defeat the point of His being God, if we - as created and not creator - could say that God is X and X, and if He is not then He must not exist? Is it appropriate to apply scientific questioning to a non-scientific question? Is it possible that there are other ways of knowing things in this world and about this world, and why are some ways of knowing considered more or less valid than others?

Here's another new thing: having an opinion. I am used to writing papers that consist entirely of references to other people's peer-reviewed work. Now, I do understand that the peer-review process helps keep crackpot theories out of circulation (although that's debatable with the advent of the blog - heh heh heh.) But at UBC, there was strictly no opinion to be included in any academic paper. Not even use of the first person was allowed in essays. This is why papers often contain
the pretentious-sounding "one". For example, "one must examine one's belief system." But when you're talking about beliefs, you actually have to have an opinion. Hello brain, please re-aquaint yourself with...yourself. Mind boggling, I know.

So there has been a lot of studying this last week, and we had our first exam this friday morning. Luckily, it went well. But the week hasn't been without it's fun, either! I signed up to play girl's flag football, and although I am hideously inept at being able to catch or throw a ball, I am good at getting in the way of people. It's also called playing defense. Whee. Football was actually a lot of fun! And a lot of people here like football.

I also found out this week that I will be playing on two worship teams - one for chapel, which we have here at the college twice a week, and the other team will be at the local church on a few Sundays throughout the term. I am really appreciating how musical this community is. Last week after chapel on two occasions, I was so inspired that I went down to the piano practice room immediately and began writing
songs. Also, almost every night so far I have had the opportunity to jam with a bunch of people. I'll take piano and they'll take guitar or drums or bass or just start singing. I think the only thing better than living with your friends and studying God's word all day is being able to also totally rock out with them at the end of the day.

Have I mentioned that I love it here???!?!

There are also other things we do after the whirlwind of work that is the mini-semester is over every day. One night I walked downstairs into the rec room and found a group of people watching season 4 of The Office. You in Vancouver know my love affair with the television show that is The Office. These are my kinda people!!!

And last night a bunch of us threw on our 80's-inspired gear (or, in my case, given my limited wardrobe that had to fit into a suitcase, just the stupidest outfit i could find) and put on Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies 3 over the chapel A.V. system.





(how napoleon dynamite of me)



Yes, we were prancing around with Richard in our spandex in a chapel. Surreal. Some girls went all out and even had the headbands or the crunchy, hair-sprayed bangs of the 80's:


That's dedication!

Is it possible that Eston is all just some wonderful dream? The only thing that is depressing about being here - aside from missing all of you wonderful loved ones back home - is knowing that it will end, one day.

Getting Settled - Orientation Week @ Eston College

On September 3rd I went through all my registration stuff. Unlike UBC, you actually just do your registration in person here. Have I mentioned that I like it here...a lot?? Anyways, I ended up finding out two cool things that day: the first is that I could do 32 credits and have a whole other degree by doing the B.A. in Christian Studies program. I had originally planned just to do the one-year certificate and see
where that went, but this is pretty neat I think. The downside - only a little over one year! I want to stay longer because I love it so much! The other cool thing that I discovered that day was that I had recieved the Toth bursary, which I am so grateful for and needed so badly! What a gift. I think it's really cool that along with my bursary notification letter there was an envelope with the address of the Toth family so that I could write and thank them. From big, impersonal UBC to small, intimate Eston College...love it.

Then, later in the afternoon, my roomate moved in, which was also a good news because she is a great girl and I like her a lot! I prefer to have a roomate than to be alone, actually...the trouble is hoping that you're paired with someone you can live with. I think I lucked out because she is not only great to live with, but also just a cool person to hang out with too. We've started listening to a chapter of the audiobook "Sex God" by Rob Bell every night before bed(which is an incredible book by the way - please go read it whether you're "religious" or not because the insights will blow you away). In fact, I like it so much that I've already got Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis" from the library, which I plan to devour this weekend. When
my roomie and I are done with "Sex God" we're going to start on "The Shack", which I also hear good things about.

Later on registration day a bunch of us ended up heading into town, which you Vancouverites will probably make fun of...yes you can walk across the entire town in 5 minutes! We went to this second hand place and I got a shower basket and also a little tin watering can, which I am using as a pencil holder:


(If you have been to my apartment before, you've probably noticed that I have a habit of using different things for pencil holders. Back home, they're vintage wide mouth mason jars...the kind used for canning fruit.)

We also stopped in at the "Co-Op", which is the grocery store here, and I saw the following missing children's sign:



See the top left corner. Amber Barker, have you been missing since the early 90's?? (It's especially odd that I see "Amber Barker" as the missing child while at the Co-Op in Eston, when Amber Barker - my friend, not the missing child - is the one who recommended Eston to me. Hah!)

Later that night there was a shindig outside of the school - no, it was actually called Shindig. We had the famous Eston cookies (so good),music, juice, and apparently later on there was a bonfire, but at that point I had retreated inside because I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Just before that we had been playing Rock-Paper-Scissors Dragon, which is when you challenge someone to Rock-Paper-Scissors and the losing party then has to get behind you, conga-line style. It gets to the point where lines of a dozen people - the "Dragons" - are challenging
each other, and the entire losing dragon then has to go to the back of your dragon:



When I initially approached the Shindig with my camera, I took a picture wondering what on earth was going on with the battling conga lines. Then I played. Then I won. Then I was hooked!!! I also learned that since I like photography I could maybe help out with the yearbook, which would be fun.

Later that night I came back to the dorms after giving my mom a call and it smelled like popcorn. Some of the girls were watching a movie downstairs. Ok now I should explain, there is a no-media-in-dorm policy right now that is currently under review. One of the things is that you can watch a movie in the social areas, but no movie-watching all alone in your room. Sounds weird? Yeah but in practice it's actually awesome. There is no internet in the dorms, so you cannot A) procrastinate in the same way that you would at UBC - facebook, anyone?, and also B) you are forced to actually interact with humans instead, which is a real struggle for some people who use the internet a lot! Real life > facebook.

The next two days were spent in orientation-type things. We met in chapel to go over the school rules. I have already mentioned the no-media-in-dorm policy, but here is the cute little sheet with some of the others:


(FGBC is Full Gospel Bible College, which is what Eston used to be called before it was accredited).

This is the one that I imagine most of you back in Vancouver would have something to say about:



Please discuss. Here is my two cents: it makes sense. First of all - why would you want to date someone you barely know?? Wouldn't you want to get to know them as your friend before you take it any further? But also, as was explained to us, if someone really respects you and the fact that you are at this school to learn about God and your relationship with Him, they are going to give you the space for that! They are going to remain an individual of character and let you get settled in, focus on school and focus on God - there are enough distractions at first. I actually love this rule and so do most of the other students here. If you can start a relationship on respect than what are you aiming for? And respect is what it comes down to, along with learning that your sense of self does not have to be based on whether you're in a relationship or not.

We also learned that Eston has an air-raid siren which sounds briefly every day at 6pm (and I think I've also heared it at 9pm?) Being Erin, I was somewhat disappointed to learn that we would not be having daily tornadoes. I would sure like a tornado. And I'm sure I'd also regret writing that if a tornado actually did come.

There are two rooms I discovered during my orientation here that I had not known of before. The first was the prayer room, which is a very cool downstairs room with walls covered in paper (just like in my place in Vancouver - my "worship wall"!) so you can write or draw as you pray. There is also a "prayer web" in that room, which is a web of string on which you can attach little cards with whatever prayer
you write, so they are all connected. It's pretty neat, and even the crickets chirping made for a cool effect (although at this point, the crickets are getting on my nerves - it's a really late harvest this year and now they are all starting to come in from the fields. I found five in my closet yesterday.)

The second room I discovered - or, rooms - are the piano practice rooms. Cue the joy. Anytime there are mutliple pianos, I am happy. And really, it's difficult to find a church or christian community in Canada which is not musical, with some sort of access to a piano or guitar. I love worship. :)

On the Friday night, after all the orientation stuff during the day, our dorm had a little "initiation" thing, which perhaps conjures up images of hazing but was far from it. We started out by doing a scavenger hunt around the school. I was paired with my gratis buddy (oh, that's something else - "Gratis" is like the chore you are assigned around the campus. Everybody has one...it could be vaccuming or dishes or something. My gratis is working the small sink after lunch and dinner, washing the odds and ends of the kitchen utensils. I have a partner in crime for this duty, and she is the girl who was also my partner for the scavenger hunt. Here is a picture of me doing my gratis:



At first I wanted to complain. And I probably did, but I can't remember. But now I actually really enjoy gratis. You're doing it with all your friends anyways, so it's not like you're missing out on anything. Plus it's a good habit to get into, and it's a great excercise in learning to be able to worship God in any daily small task you may have. Back to the scavenger hunt)....

We had to run around to different parts of the school,finding clues that would lead us to another area:



Each clue was attached to a quote, which we then had to race back and put together to form this "creed" for our dorm:



My gratis buddy and I raced around and won the scavenger hunt. Hooray! Because we won, we had the priveledge of going back to the dorm first, which had been set up for a little welcome ceremony for us while we were playing. We had some prayer and then some fabulous pumpkin pie ice cream, and then we gathered together with some paint and a canvas and made this personalized work of art, as a community, to
hang in our dorm common area:



(Mama Ev's brilliant pumpkin pie ice cream)


It was a great night!!!

The next morning - Saturday, if you are keeping track - I woke up to the sunrise and went for a walk near the wheat field across from my
window. I then went to Hansen's Lake with my bible and journal and just enjoyed some quiet time in prayer and reflection, out in the beauty that is
God's creation:







That afternoon, we all piled into cars and vans and headed out to the hills for a BBQ and bonfire. Along the way I learned what different crops
look like - wheat, lentils, canary seed - and I also tasted a chokecherry for the first time (apt name - it's a berry that is so dry, it's like eating powder).
I also learned that it's bad news to drive on Eston dirt roads if it's just rained. Apparently your vehicle will get stuck in about 10 seconds. So a couple of times along the way we'd be driving down a dirt road, then have to stop, turn around, go back and go along until we could find another road to use! You could even see the rain up ahead of you, even though you're still dry. Seeing rain coming
is one of the coolest things about the prairies, I think. It looks like the clouds are melting and dragging this hazy curtian underneath them wherever they go. I tried to capture it on picture but it was elusive.

We got to the hills and it was really beautiful:



Once there we started a photo scavenger hunt. Now, the last photo scavenger hunt I went to didn't turn out so well either. This was was worse, but that's almost what makes it better. One of the things on our list was to get a picture of everyone on our team in the water. Well, the river was just nearby, so we headed down. Bad idea - the entire riverbank was just this thick, clay-mud. At one point I took a step and sank about 8 inches, and my shoe almost got suctioned off. We then decided to take off our shoes to try and get through the mud into the water. So after this one picture, I had mud caking my bare feet, mud up to my knees, shoes and socks covered in mud, jeans covered in mud, and I even managed to get some on my vest.
Great! We decided to go tribal after that and just walk around barefoot with our cakey mud feet. The good news is that it's the type of mud that just dried up and you could brush it off an hour later.

After that we had BBQ food - burgers and hot dogs and corn on the cob - and a bonfire, and we listened to some testimonies from each other about what God has been doing in our lives recently. It also may interest some of you UCMers back home to know that I have taught that Korean game, "mong" (or however it is called?) to some people here, and we are now addicted. I think we broke 6, but that's as high as it's gotten so far. Also, we have played dutch blitz and that game "things" or "things in a box". In my experience, every single Christian organization or event has contained
these three activities:

1) Dutch Blitz
2) "Things", and,
3) Photo scavenger hunts


So you see, if you were here my dear friends, I'd be right at home. :)

Hold on - as I'm typing this, there is a cricket screaming in the corner. I must go mash it with my shoe. (They really are getting annoying. This week in class, there was one that just started wailing during lecture. Highly annoying.)

Anyways, later that night after our outing to the hills, we came back and then a bunch of us headed over to Harley's and Cat's to get some food (those are the local convenience stores/cafe type things.) The next day we all walked over to church, then came back to the school for lunch. I especially like doing my gratis on Sunday nights, because for Sunday dinner we have eggs and salad and things - aka, not a lot of dishes for me to wash!!

Speaking of the food, it's excellent. I really like this whole not-cooking-for-myself thing! Every thursday we have fresh bread or buns made for us, too - aren't we spoiled? That is the bread-and-soup day. On Saturdays and Sundays lunch is actually brunch, which is my favorite meal ever.

Anyways, now I have got you all caught up to speed with how my first week at Eston College was. It was fantastic. I really appreciate the fact that we had a full week to get oriented and settled into our rooms and meet people, because then you can enjoy the excitement of the start of the school year without having it negatively impact your attempts to study! But I did feel like something was missing. I think part of that may be because I am missing the closeness I have with all of you back home, and it takes time to develop that with new friends. But I was also feeling like there was such a whirlwind of activity that I really had no time to just sit and be quiet and communicate with God, and figure out why I am here. I did notice one thing, though. I am being called to take on more leadership than I anticipated, and by that I don't mean I'm doing more "stuff." I mean, I anticipated coming here with a very, very basic understanding of my faith and having this whole year be a time of learning and growth, of recieving and not necessarily giving, because what do I have to give? Well, I guess it must be something, even if I don't know what it is, because what I didn't aniticpate that God would actually be putting me to use. But I can see it coming.

And another thought - During our orientation stuff, one of the staff members here observed that me and the other girl here who's from BC, we look around at the fields and the sky and exclaim over how beautiful they are, when it's just old news to anyone who has been around these sights long enough. He pointed out how sometimes we can get like that in our relationship with God - so comfortable that we become almost blind to his presence around us, so used to our way of worship that we go deaf to his voice to a certain extent. From my own experience, that has been very true.

So I am contemplating the idea that perhaps God drew me to Eston to give me a very necessary change of scenery.

I love it here.

Welcome to Eston

So I am in Eston, Saskatchewan! Where do I start to describe the last two days? How about with the day before that.

My last day in Vancouver was Monday. I spent the afternoon with my family and we went to Heritage Village in Burnaby, which was lots of fun:







After that I came home and cleaned my apartment (but didn't get to the dishes - sorry Ian) and packed my bags(but forgot my slippers - sorry feet). Then I had a long and wonderful heart-to-heart with Diane over the telephone, because we didn't have the chance to meet in person before I left. I can always count on Diane
for a good heart-to-heart! Actually, I didn't have the chance to meet with a lot of you before I left and I'm so sorry! I was way too busy! Anyways, then I packed frantically and Ian came by for the keys. We went out for one last traditional late-night breakfast at Denny's:



I also recieved two going away gifts that I wasn't expecting!The first was from Amber, who not only recommended Eston to me, but also gave me this lovely card with a little surprise inside that I was especially grateful for:


Thank you, Amber!!!

The second gift I recieved was from Amanda, who not only picked out the following beautiful journal (knowing my love of all things journally):



But also personalized each page with a bit of scripture, or a shared memory, or a bit of encouragement. I had also recently said that I didn't feel like I'd ever really fit in with any group of friends, and she added the following words of encouragement onto the pages...



"never fit in...maybe you were meant to stand out."

It made me cry, it was so touching. Amanda, you are awesome!!! Thank you so much!

The next morning my mom and I woke up very, very early and went to the airport. We anticipated having time to eat breakfast at starbucks and say goodbye, but really it was so busy (i guess everyone was going back to school on that exact day), I was pretty much hustled through airport security to make it to my gate on time. It was all rather abrupt. I'm sad that I didn't get to spend more time just hanging out with my mom.

Then I got on a plane, had a layover in Edmonton, and finally arrived in Saskatoon a couple hours later.

First Impressions?



THE SKY! Pretty amazing. I mean we have sky in Vancouver. Obviously. But it only goes as far as the mountains, then they steal the show. Here, there is just sky forever, and it was so expressive that day, too. At one point we were driving down the highway, and almost all you could see was blue sky dotted with little white cumulus clouds all the way into the distance. It was like driving into a mural. Amazing! The fields - things like canola and lentils - are also so beautiful. I have a feeling that Saskatchewan is going to make for some excellent photography. There is
something about the vast, open space here that is poetic - not lonely, because that's too negative of a word, but there is something about it that speaks to that very human feeling of smallness, I think.





Finally we came into Eston:

(The watertower that was central to the Eston College "The Office" remake - you know, the watertower shot in the opening credits?)

(The grain elevator)

(Eston's main street)

There are crickets everywhere. I've said it before and I'll say it again - EVERYWHERE. The upside to this is that anytime there is an awkward silence, crickets chirp appropriately.

I will write more later, and show pictures of the campus. In the meantime, here are some pics of my dorm room:







Yes I have a roomate, she is awesome. Also, my window faces East over a field of canola or something, so I get the sunrise. The bathroom is located right across the hall, and there are just 6 or 7 girls on each floor. More later (we don't have internet in the dorms so my posts occur whenever I have the chance to sit in the lounge with my laptop and get wireless).

Eston

I have arrived in Eston, Saskatchwan.



There are crickets everywhere. Inside, outside, on the walls, on the carpet. Everywhere.


Tired. More later. Will post phone number.

T-minus 3 Days

Hi, I'm Erin. Welcome to my blog. I leave Vancouver in three days, so I thought this would be an appropriate time to start documenting.

I am obsessed with documenting, just FYI - in words, in video, in photographs. If an event occurs, I am usually the person documenting it (which sometimes makes it hard to participate - but you have to choose your battles. Some of the best things I've ever experienced are quietly banked away in only my memory). I am particularily interested in documenting everyday stuff over special events - quick, candid glimpses into daily life. I would like to be a photographer and have my own business, eventually.

Anyways, here's what's happening. I was born and raised in Vancouver, and I've lived here my whole life. City girl to the Nth degree (and a geek, too, apparently). So when I move to Eston, Saskatchewan in three days - that is, a town with a total population smaller than that of my high school - it will be an adventure for me.

In three days, I will have a plane ticket, two suitcases, and an almost-empty bank account. I'm leaving behind my apartment, my job, my family and my friends. Why? So I can go to bible college.

Six weeks ago I was having coffee with my beloved friend and campus pastor, Amber. Really, I was kind of complaining about life because I was bored and I had nothing to look forward to. She asked me if I'd ever considered going to bible college. And I had, two years earlier, but I had never pursued it. I was in the middle of completing my degree at UBC then, so it wasn't a real possibility, just a nice thought of something I figured I'd never actually get the chance to do.

But when Amber jogged my memory, I realized the time was right. I had finished my degree at UBC. My lease was up. I didn't feel like my job was going anywhere, and I had no serious relationship in my life that would be a major roadblock to going away for an extended period of time. If I was going to go to bible college, well, it was the right time to do it. So that night I applied, and began making preparations.

The only thing really standing in my way was money. Ok, not true, there were two things sort of standing in my way - the first was the fact that my family initially didn't want me to go because, like many people, they don't understand why on earth I'd want to put everything on hold and go to bible college. But that's another story. The other thing standing in my way was money, and it seemed impossible to find what I needed in just six weeks. Even with my own savings, some help from my dad and stepmom, selling what I could in a garage sale, and the prospect of some financial help from the college itself, I would still come up short. I'm not just financing tuition here...also, airfare, school supplies, the fact that everything I have in the way of coats and boots is woefully insufficient for a Saskatchewan winter.

So I prayed about it. And I asked people to help me pray about it. And then jobs just started falling in my lap. Doesn't God answer prayers through all sorts of different methods? A lady walked into the office I was working at and asked, while renewing her car insurance, if anyone in the room would babysit for her two children on a weekly basis. I said yes, and this family turned out to be not only an additional source of income, but also just wonderful people who I click with and respect so much.

Then another family friend went away on vacation and asked if I could help out by watching their dog and two cats when they were away. By this point my schedule was packed, but you know, sometimes when God answers your prayers it's not "convenient" for you - you have to just trust and do it. So I said yes to that, too, and not only do I get to hang out with the coolest little puppy (his name is Atticus), it's also contributing towards my schooling. So it's been busy, but I'm happy to say that I'm very much on my way to having my first term expenses covered entirely. And you know what? I trust that when second term rolls around, it will work out all over again, somehow. One step at a time!

The only thing I was really lacking, it seemed, was the actual "Go" from God. I think if you work really hard, you can get what you want almost every time. But if your goal is in synch with what God has in store for you, you won't have to claw so hard to get it. I don't know why I said that, so don't take that as some sort of fundamental Christian teaching, but it is what I have found to hold true in my own experience.

I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just clawing really hard. Because I did really, really want to go to bible college. But I was also really apprehensive about it, and about leaving, and about upsetting things the way they were by making such a move, about it not being as fun as I hoped it would be, about people not liking me when they met me, and about knowing very little about the bible, really.

But then I was in church the following Sunday, and we were praying. And suddenly I felt like I was there for a moment. There at the college, I mean. I know this will sound weird to some people, but to others, you know exactly what this kind of communication with God is like; how "listening" involves a sensation, an emotion, an image...not always just words. Anyways, I felt like I was there all of a sudden. It was like the difference between seeing a forest in your mind's eye, and then suddenly being snapped into it, surrounded by the smell and the sound of evergreens rustling in the wind. It was the difference between a picture of a place and the experience of actually being there. And then it felt like all these pieces orbiting around inside of me - all this doubt and apprehension - just locked into place with each other, like magnets, and made a whole. And it felt 100% alright. Then I got the one word I was waiting for - "Go." Even if I wasn't sure exactly why, or where it would lead. So I knew for certain at that point that I would be going to bible college, regardless of what roadblocks or doubts came up that made me question why I was doing it.

People ask me what I want to do with my education there, when I'm done. And what they mean is, "what kind of job will that lead to?"

I don't know. Does it have to lead to a job? That's not why I'm going.

So, six weeks ago I decided to go to bible college, and I'm leaving behind everything I know to do it. What else do you expect from a girl with the world "fearless" tattooed onto her arm? I wouldn't have something permanently inked into my wrist if I didn't really, really believe it.

And do you know how impossible it is to find a reasonably priced apartment in Vancouver? Sure it had cockroaches, and there is a suspicious crack in the ceiling that makes me think the roof is going to cave in. But I painted the walls a cheery yellow and baked gingerbread and cupcakes, had friends over and made it my home for the last year. I love it and I will miss it, because I feel like I was just starting to get settled.

And the job thing - ok, I'm not going to lie. I was not cut out for office life. I have never liked working office jobs. I vastly preferred working at Starbucks and serving people coffee, and would probably still be doing that if it paid enough to survive on (hint: it doesn't. Not in Vancouver.) Computer screens give me migraines, and after about 4 months of sitting at a desk all day, my back is spasming like crazy. I care very little about climbing the corporate ladder and I have been known to call cublicles "cubic-hells". I find The Office hillarious because it's true, and my loved ones have noted that as soon as I leave any office-related environment, my happiness level skyrockets. Look, I made a graph:



Long story short - I am not made for office life. I'm just not!

So it's not that difficult to leave a job behind, necessarily. But what is difficult is to leave any prospect of financial security behind (whether that's real financial security or just the illusion of it is another story).

And then there's the friends and family. I mean, I have the best friends in the entire world. I say that with 100% honesty - I have some of the most incredible, kind, loving, generous, supportive, encouraging, intelligent, hillarious, talented, fun and devoted friends. These are people who have been there for me and who I want nothing more than to be there for them as well, cheering them on in their successes. So I feel like a bit of a jerk for just packing up and leaving. I love the people in my life, and they are what I would take with me if I could.

So that's the hardest part. There are no words to really describe that, so I won't disappoint by attempting to describe it in insufficient terms. You know what I'm talking about.



T-minus 3 days.

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